READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
