when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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