yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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