..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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