now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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