Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
