So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize