Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
