shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
