the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
