I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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