Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nicole vs. Life
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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