It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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