who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize