Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
