Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
