Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
