Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
