i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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