can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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