she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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