If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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