If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
