I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
