im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Holy sore nipples Batman
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize