The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
