I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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