Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
