i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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