maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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