you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize