My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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