I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
