i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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