I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
