You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
