Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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