so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
