Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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