From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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