yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wish you could order shots online.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
