it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
