He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
