I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
