he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
