I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize