obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
