I will die if light touches me.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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