my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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