it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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