I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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