once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No subtext here. People are naked.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
