im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
