Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
