Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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