Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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