He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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