There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
