I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
