Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
