her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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