I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
