The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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