Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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