the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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