why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Quick, to the slutcave!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Alive.
So much puke
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
