please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
