i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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