I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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