I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
