WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
