I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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