The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
