she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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