Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
