i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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