I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
