All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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